m&ms and mirchi masala mix

highlight of the week? seeing my closest and nearest friends graduate. in pictures of course. because singapore isn't really a hop, skip and jump away. as dana said, this is the last ceremony for us if we decide not to pursue a post graduate degree. i am beginning to think i want to re-enter academics to escape the humdrum of the working life. however, i am torn between c.s and international relations. yeah i know, they are not even remotely close. as much as i like coding and designing, i wonder if this is really what makes me tick. i do not wake up thinking 'yay, i get to code!'....well, then again, i doubt i will ever wake up thinking that about whatever job i am in. and if i do decide to switch, it will be the first major academic decision i would have taken without my family's influence. i really really like computers. argh. can't i be..a software developer..for the UN or something. maybe i can do a double masters. the confusion continues.

i had a lonnggg chat at about 2am in the morning with a friend i usually trade not-so-decent(but always well crafted) insults with. so it was quite unusual for us to talk about things other than "your mama". we were discussing how sometimes we are so lost as to what we are doing and what we *should* be doing. but then again, we determine what we should be doing. it's hard because what if you feel something is amiss but never have the guts to make the change(which might be of a radical nature)...at the same time, what if you are just confused and you are supposed to be doing..whatever you are currently doing....and then you make the change..and realize you really f**ked up. all of a sudden, you are 5 years behind where you should be career wise. ugh. and then we talked about stuff that i havent really told anyone at all - even the closest and nearest of my friends. it's hard to admit weakness. especially for me. i hate being weak emotionally. and more than that, i hate admitting it. and i don't buy into the 'its not weakness! its human nature' bollocks (haha..thanks for bringing that word back to me, dana!) i know, it's no big news flash for anyone. anyway, we rounded off the chat about 45 minutes later with .. insults.

and then, i am not sure if it was pms acting as a catalyst but i let loose on yet another one of my friends...he was speechless and upset after i was through. i went back over what i said in my mind and i realized i truly believed what i said, 100% and didn't regret any of it. he needed to hear it. i am not putting up with this bullshit. i dont know. pms does shitty things to me and my body! but sometimes it makes me say things that i might have thought were better left unsaid.

you know, i saw eugene everyday sunday - wednesday. oddest thing, aint it? and no, it wasn't thanks to the morons at HP technical support who tried to get someone to flash their BIOS to fix the random shutdowns. it's truly something else hanging out with someone who you can be sure speaks his mind every time. merry jay's coffee days.

and to top it off...sakath and i converted yet someone(nell) to thai food. oh yeah..she was all sorts of happy when we were done with dinner.

ok, i am off. the harry potter book better be in my mailbox tomorrow morning!